Leaving on a Jet Plane

So recently I made the rash decision to relocate myself to Australia. I decided this within two hours of it being suggested by two of my friends and then finalised the details over the next two days, because that’s just how I roll. In sets of two apparently.

My thought pattern was exactly this “Brr! It sure is cold today. I bet it isn’t this cold in Australia. Shall I move there? Yes, I’ll do that.” Because apparently I am part lizard and must bask in the sun in order to generate enough heat to function, how I have survived in England for over 20 years is beyond me.

That’s exaggerating; clothes, food and housing are clearly what have kept me alive. In my wardrobe I have enough winter clothing keep a waddle of penguins dressed and fabulous looking all year round (jumpers with puppies on are fabulous right?)

Digression: Can you believe a pack of penguins is called a waddle? Just when you think penguins can’t get any more hilarious they go and do something like be called a waddle!  (Ok sure they can also be called a rookery or a colony, but neither of those words are funny or adorable)

You couldn't possibly know this because you don't have to watch me type in real time, but I went on such a huge penguin tangent just then; In between the previous paragraph and this one I watched every Youtube video about penguins I could find. It was a lot, I’m pretty sure I now understand their language.

Squak ek eke ek.

That was a bit of penguin humour for you, I hope it didn’t offend you. That joke isn’t for everybody.

It offended him.

Before this turns into a blog about the joys of penguins I’m going to go back to the original point, which was something about moving to a different country I believe. Should everything go to plan, then I shall hopefully be gone for the whole year that my visa is valid for and after that Australia will beg me to stay, having become one of their favourite migrants. But a more likely scenario is that I will run out of money within six months and get arrested for trying to gain free lodging within the pouch of a kangaroo. Those are the only two scenarios that will happen, there is no inbetween ground with this I’m afraid.

Option A

Option B

Anyway, this is just my way of explaining why my postings have been erratic recently. Hopefully I’ll put some actual funny stuff up this weekend and we can go back to our healthy relationship of you anonymously reading my personal thoughts online.