Movember: A dating dilemma

This month I have discovered something: Movember is both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to dating.

Confused? So am I. You see, normally if a mustachioed man approached me, I would have one hand on the rape alarm in my bag and the other balled into a fist, ready to throw a punch at his trachea should he come close enough for me to be able to count the individual crumbs residing within his nose skirt. You think I’m being prejudiced? Quickly think of the most famous moustache you know.

Got it?

It was Hitler wasn’t it?

If it wasn’t then you have just ruined this entire blog for me. Just go along with it ok? Sheesh.

As a single female I can tell you that it is difficult enough finding a nice guy during the other 11 months of the year, but Movember is by far the hardest. The issue being that suddenly all these amazing and charitable men start growing the thing that would usually strike up alarm bells for me, not only that but they commit to it for an entire month! I’m not being cliché here when I say that I know men who cannot commit to an entire sandwich, so a month of knowingly looking like the type of person who would molest you on the train is pretty much relationship gold to me.

Based on that, you would think that Movember actually makes it easier for us to pick out the good guys from the bad ones. However, what you’re forgetting is that it then becomes a game of sorting out who grew it for charity and who grew it to partially obscure their face from CCTV cameras as they try to sneak in to the ladies restroom at the local shopping centre.

Now obviously the “moustache = creep” rule does not apply to everybody, because Tom Sellek rocks a moustache so hard that I’m surprised men don’t have to pay him royalties every time they miss a day shaving. But there are certain circumstances in which you should be allowed, or not allowed, to grow your top lip a winter coat. I decided to help future generations and every single person come next November (I’m assuming the whole world will have read my blog by then) and I drew up a flow diagram to help you decide whether you are eligible for some face decoration or not.

So, we have that all cleared up now yes?
You are welcome.

For all of you that did partake in Movember, well done and a hearty congratulations to any of you who managed to keep your jobs and/or relationships intact the whole time.

But for those of you who did not keep your relationships intact, then give me a call as soon as you’ve shaved.  

Unless you’re Tom Selleck. Don’t ever change Tom. 

 I would swap lives with any of the hairs seen in this picture